Passover Confessions

1. I secretly crave the Hillel sandwich (charoset and bitter herbs between two pieces of Matzah).

2. Sponge cake made with matza rocks.

3. I would celebrate Passover every day just to hear my almost-3-year-old sing "Dayanu" at the top of her lungs.

4. Somehow I screwed up the seder and we ended up with 2 instead of 4 glasses of wine.

5. I cheated and bought the meal at Kohn's because I wasn't sure if my oven was going to arrive and be installed in time.

6. I forgot poor Elijah and Miriam at the seder.

7. Chandler's after-seder concert from the top of the coffee table was a joy to listen to.

The Never Ending Crisis

My boss and good friend passed away this past August. Coupled with the biggest personal loss I have ever encountered, there was the whole "will the business survive" question hanging out there. He was the main income producer.

I worked hard to form a team with Mark and John and to minimize the loss of clients. Really, the survival of the company depends on Mark and John because Boulter billed so much as main income producer that we needed both Mark and John's billings to make up Boulters. Things have been going very well...

...or so I thought.

John turned in his two weeks yesterday. I have been a disaster. I have worked here for 10 years as Vice President, running this company and enjoying the heck out of it. Unless I can pull a magic rabbit out of my hat, I just see a spiral downwards.

To say I am experiencing anxiety is an understatement.

I have been crying off and on all night. I didn't sleep. I miss Boulter so much I can barely stand it.

I am going to do everything I can to save this company but in the mean time, if you know of any companies looking for an executive director, administrator, business manager or the like, drop me an email with "BLOGGER" in the subject area so I don't think your email is spam.

Thanks.

No Internet and Orthodox Services

I have no internet connection at home until my new DSL is up...in another week or two. Since I have been busy at work, I have been unable to update Blogger. So, posts will be sporadic until such time as I am up and running at home.

Saturday I went to Orthodox services in Olivette/U-City. It was extremely interesting. Upon arriving, I pinned a Doyle on my head and proceeded to the women's section of the seating. Men were seated down the middle and women on both sides, separated by a small wall (waste high). Average age of the women--74. Most of the men were older, too, though there were some middle aged men as well.

The men all had flowing prayer shawls, some even wearing them over their heads. None of the women had prayer shawls but all wore either a hat or a dolly. Children ran between the two sides, talking with one or the other parent which was acceptable. Prayers were said individually about the same time as everyone else. It sort of reminds me of the way CRC says the Shema.

Services were l-ooong. There were SIX aliyahs to the Torah. When the Rabbi concluded services, he acknowledged the "two young ladies on the left side of the isle." Yes, that was me and Rachel! We stayed for the lunch afterwards and it was a delicious kosher meal. I emailed the Rabbi on Sunday--no response yet! I will keep you informed.

Mainly, although not my style, I did find it to be fascinating and the way in which they pray to be very individual and probably meaningful. I loved hearing all the laws with regard to Passover and the short question/answer session about the fact that Passover falls on Shabbat. I hope some day to attend again.

Women's Retreat

It was wonderful. I needed it. I needed the community. A community of women.

As you probably know, I have historically felt most in control and comfortable around men. I relate to them better. No games. No drama. No snottiness. No gossip. Truthfully, women scare me a bit. I usually don't have anything in common with them. And many times, my feminist side just wants to smack them up-side-the-head for the stupid things they say and do to each other. Frustrating! In the past, the few women I have bonded with somehow managed to remove my backbone, not an easy task.

Now, certainly, this is not the case with all women. I have a good friend, Lezli, and I count my sister, Kelly, as a friend and I am now friends with Lisa, too. But this is on an individual basis--and not in a group context--so, I will admit I was nervous and sure I would be, as I am in groups of women, the odd (wo)man out.

Okay--enough about that!

In the end, I was very comfortable at retreat. All the women were amazingly spiritual, kind and driven by the same struggle for meaning that I am. I listened to them and their stories and their thoughts and their questions and I was moved, impressed and blown away by the honesty and vulnerability they shared. God--this is the stuff of literature!

Rabbi Susan is amazing. She has a knack for taking complicated concepts and molding them into something you can see, feel, smell and really understand. She is so honest. I don't think she even realizes how that kind of honesty touches a listener. I love how she weaves Hassidic stories, midrash, personal experience and mishnah into whatever she is talking about. The concepts and the levels of meaning are like onions. It leaves me hungry for more.

There were women from 26 to 74 years of age. There were Jews, Jews-by-choice and non-Jews. There were straight women, gay women and gay women couples. There were single, divorced and married women. There were moms and grandmas. There were professionals and stay-at-home moms. There were wealthy, very weathly, middle class and lower middle class people. The diversity of the group was part of its wonderful dynamic.

At the end, we each went around the circle of ourselves (outside, in the warm air and slight breeze) to say something of what we thought or would take with us. When it got to me, and I went to speak, I was explaining how important it was to me that this retreat offered community and that I felt it and it was so special to me...then I started to feel like I was going to weep in the middle of it. Somewhere, deep down, something struck that place in me and I had to cut it short because I was going to start crying. I can't explain it other than to say that it is out of character for me and not something I was expecting to happen.

To be connected is something that has turned out to be much more important to me than I originally expected.